Well here I go. My wife suggested that this would be a good form of communication between us to help us understand our feelings with weekly updates. Its not a bad idea so here I begin :}.
Well, I have a problem and after some research and a suggestion from a therapist that I am in fact codependent and have had this problem for a very long time. I'm lost and its hard to wrap my mind around this fact that I am screwed up.
General rules set-up within families that may cause codependency may include:
- It's not okay to talk about problems
- Feelings should not be expressed openly; keep feelings to yourself
- Communication is best if indirect; one person acts as messenger between two others; known in therapy as triangulation
- Be strong, good, right, perfect
- Make us proud beyond realistic expectations
- Don't be selfish
- Do as I say not as I do
- It's not okay to play or be playful
- Don't rock the boat.
All of these above fit to a tee on how I felt, I was never good enough for anyone and never will be as I constantly screw good things up.
And it gets better here is more that I read:
Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:
- An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
- A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
- A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
- A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
- An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
- An extreme need for approval and recognition
- A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
- A compelling need to control others
- Lack of trust in self and/or others
- Fear of being abandoned or alone
- Difficulty identifying feelings
- Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
- Problems with intimacy/boundaries
- Chronic anger
- Lying/dishonesty
- Poor communications
- Difficulty making decisions
I highlighted parts that I feel fit perfectly to me and the black not so much but they probably apply to me.
Well whats first? I have no clue, but I need to begin somewhere as I DO HAVE A PROBLEM. My wife loves to communicate, I never have done this and I feel uncomfortable with it. That is not normal and I have to change that so here I am with the blog. I also bought a book from amazon with great reviews from people. I hope there are some interesting things in the book to help my ass out as I need it. It would one day to feel Happy, just happy and not hating myself anymore. I mean who wouldn't be happy with a very beautiful wife and 3 great boys :S, I should be but I still feel like a failure in life. Ok now I am rambling on so Ill end here. Until next week.
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